I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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