I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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