after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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