I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
