I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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