lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
