The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
