I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
