By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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