i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize