This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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