Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize