it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
