if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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