I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
