Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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