I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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