we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
