I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
