just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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