What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
