Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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