Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
