Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd cum for enchiladas.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
