im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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