i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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