We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
