Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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