Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
