apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
