I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
