Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I look better un-naked...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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