If i could tip my vagina, i would.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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