Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
