I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
