Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
