i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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