Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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