I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize