Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
