so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
