WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
