The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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