he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
