I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
