flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize