So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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