im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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