wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
