i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
