Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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