So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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