This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
