my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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