Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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