it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
