i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
