i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
