dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
