Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
