I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
