If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
