i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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