I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
