i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
