I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
