I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
