People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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