I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
PANTIES FOUND
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
