Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
