We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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