i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
