Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
