giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize