words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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