hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
