Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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