I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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