Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
