he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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