South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
