We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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