If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
