here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
