My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
