well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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