so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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