people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
