he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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