I didn't shave. On purpose
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
