i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
