I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
